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Bikeaholics
By Nonni Makk
Hey everyone,
Thought I'd share this with the wives and or husbands of member's of Delta Ped's. The last time Ish said he was going for a "short ride".................,being gone only a few minuets or so, I never thought twice about it. Except for when he returned the bugs in his hair could only come the state of Kansas, I never would have suspected............ Sigh. Being married to one of these (see below) I attend meeting regularly, called Bike-Enders. I no longer have the need to sweep the driveway of rocks or stickers. I no longer have to duck 5 times to get out of the garage cause there are about 10 bikes hanging off the rafters, I haven't washed 1/2 of a banana in the washing machine lately. When I fill up the tires in my car at the gas station, I don't panic with the thought of "what this isn't Prista compatible"! I think we even own one T-shirt that doesn't say I climbed to hell and back.
Anyone interested in these meeting can meet me Pruitt water park at 7:30 on Monday nights. A family that rides together, stays together :-)
The 34 Early Warning Signs of Bikeaholism:
If you experience any of these early warning signs, contact your local Bikeaholics chapter IMMEDIATELY!
- Your training log book contains nothing but daily century rides.
- Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor hail shall stop you from your appointed training ride.
- You plan rides that start from Gunn and always seem to include a lunch stop at the Saturn Cafe in Santa Cruz.
- You begin to get jittery after one full day of not riding.
- You look at a century route and immediately start plotting out extra hilly loops.
- You have to force yourself to take a break from your lunchtime ride and go back to work.
- You spend New Year's day blocking out rides for the upcoming year, and discover that your Dayminder Calendar leaves you with less than 2 hours per week "quality time" for your non-cycling family and friends.
- You frequently "take the long way home" after work and get home after 10:00 PM and 4000 ft of climbing.
- You wear bike clothes and a Camelback to work even when you're not planning to ride that day.
- You spend Sunday evenings replenishing the stash of batteries you have placed along Skyline so you can go for longer night-time rides during the week.
- Any one of your bikes is worth more than your car.
- You choose an apartment solely on the basis of whether or not it is flat enough to ride into and how close good roads/trails are.
- Your bike rack is worth more than your car.
- Your legs are tan only to mid-thigh.
- The first thing you ask when you regain consciousness is "How's my bike???"
- You actually move farther from work so the bike commute will be more heavy duty.
- You mentally log every meal as "good fuel" or "bad fuel".
- Your learn you have X money left over after paying bills and the first thing you do is reach for the nearest bicycling catalog.
- 75% of the tools you own are from Park or Campagnolo.
- You dream of winning the lottery, and the first thing you think of is "how many/which bikes can that money buy?"
- You can tell your significant other with a straight face that its too hot to mow the lawn then take off and ride a century.
- Someone in a car asks for directions and you accidentally give them a route that includes motor vehicle barriers, or a route that bypasses all freeways/busy roads, or is very scenic.
- You're in your car & lost, but instead of consulting a AAA map you lean out the window and look for colored arrows on the pavement at each intersection.
- You buy a car based on whether or not a bike will fit in the trunk/back.
- You pull up hard on the steering wheel trying to bunny hop your car over a pot-hole.
- You know the distance of every point of interest within 20 miles of your house as well as the location of every pot hole along the way.
- You refuse to buy a couch because that patch of wall space is taken up by the bike.
- You pull your car into the driveway and subconsciously twist your heel to clip out of the accelerator.
- You see glass on the road and point it out for the car behind you.
- You can't find the brake levers on the steering wheel.
- You try to stand up to go over speed bumps/railroad tracks...
- You signal a turn and hit your passenger.
- You try to shift gears by twisting the gearstick.
- You read this expecting it to be funny then realize that it all applies to you.
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